Over 6 years ago when I was hired at our church to work with the youth, there was a word......a situation.....something that I prayed I would never ever have to deal with.
That "thing" was suicide.
I felt like I could handle almost any other situation as a youth minister.
But suicide......that's where I really struggle.
I struggle for those who find themselves in so much hurt, so much pain - so little hope - that they believe the only way out is death.
And I really really struggle for those left behind. I can't imagine the questions......
Why?
How could they do it?
Wasn't I worth staying for?
Why didn't they ask for help?
Get help?
Why would they give up?
Lose the fight?
What about me?
I have avoided this topic for a long time because I always thought it was only applicable to a few people. Unfortunately, what I've learned over the last few years is that there are very few people in this community that escape without the unbearable sting of suicide.
Let me start by saying that I don't have any answers. I am not going to pretend for one moment that I understand that kind of pain or hopelessness. As difficult as my own road has been at times, I have to admit that suicide was never a real option for me.
So....what do we do in the midst of it? How do we get through it? And more importantly, how do we help others avoid it?
Again, I don't want to pretend for a second that I have any answers. I feel so unqualified to address this issue.......at the same time.....it is an issue.
I think the first thing we have to do is understand that suicide has little room for judgment. I know a lot of people use the word "selfish" when they talk about the person who committed suicide. I guess suicide may appear selfish......but I have to think there is way more to it that someone acting out in selfishness. I think it's much bigger than that. Much deeper than that......and a whole lot more painful than that.
I think suicide, like any death, reminds us how precious moments with the ones we love are. And how we shouldn't take a single one of them for granted. Ever.
I think suicide is also a reminder that we never really really know. We never REALLY know what someone is going through. We don't fully know their pain, insecurities, fears, regrets, emptiness, loneliness.......heartaches. And because we never REALLY know.....the only response we should ever have is love.
Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that love heals all wounds, takes away all the pain, heals every illness - but I can't imagine that it hurts.
I've said this before - but there is a quote I love.....it says, "When we begin to understand, only then can we love." When we try to understand people, talk to people, listen to people.......it's a whole lot easier to love people.
Suicide just breaks my heart. As I hug those close to me who have dealt with it - in that moment I imagine what it would feel like - to be that person's wife, daughter, sister, mom......and I can't help but well up in tears and pray for the questions, the hurt.......the pain.
My deepest prayer is that before any one of you considers suicide as an option - you reach out - just one more time......cry. Cry loud for help - come to me, to your mom, your best friend......anyone you trust to help you get through that dark moment so that you can once again find hope. The hope that our precious Savior gave us. He promises he came to give us life. Life abundant. I believe in that hope because I have seen that hope shine through the darkest moments of my own life. He will never leave you. Never forsake you........
Ever.
I love you. Always will.
T
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